EP 092: Stop Talking to Yourself Like That

Let’s keep in touch!

1. Grab my free mini-course
2. Work with me one-on-one
3. Join RESOLVE Evolved Today

 Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

***************************************

The way you speak to yourself did not start with you.

The words spoken over you, and the ones that never came, do not simply pass through, they take root. They settle into the soil of your mind, growing into beliefs that shape how you see yourself, how you move, and what you believe you are allowed to have. Over time, those beliefs become patterns, and those patterns begin to feel like identity. What started as someone else’s voice can become the one that guides your choices, questions your instincts, and defines your worth.

Along the way, that voice can feel like the truth. A mother’s words can echo so loudly that they become the lens through which everything is filtered. Even her silence can speak, teaching you what is valuable by what was never affirmed. Without realizing it, life can begin to orbit around unspoken rules, where rest feels like something to earn, joy feels excessive, and expression feels unsafe. The result is a quiet shrinking, a life shaped more by limitation than possibility.

Change begins by listening closely to what has been running in the background. Not to silence it immediately, but to understand it. To sit with it, to trace where it came from, and to gently introduce something new. This is not about fixing what is broken, but about tending to what was planted. With new language, spoken with intention and care, new beliefs can grow, creating space for a life that feels more honest, more grounded, and more your own.

In this episode, I sit down with Britnei Nicole to explore how language shapes identity, behavior, and healing within the mother wound. We talk about how words become belief systems, how traditional Black parenting influences what is passed down, and how even silence can define self-worth. This conversation opens the door to a different way of relating to yourself, one where you begin to choose the words that will shape who you are becoming.

“You don’t have to attack your thoughts to change them; you can respond with care. There is healing power in not trying to change the feeling right away, but sitting with it.” – Britnei Nicole

Topics Covered:
00:00 — Episode snippet
00:10 — Introducing our guest, Britnei Nicole
03:03 — How does language shape who we become?
05:00 — Language as the technology of belief
06:36 — Healing requires making thoughts “moldable”
09:00 — Your mother as your first mirror
11:40 — How does language impact identity?
15:56 — Power struggles between Black mothers and daughters
19:01 — Language that creates self-doubt and weakens self-trust
20:26 — Rewiring your thoughts takes practice
23:21 — Root belief: Life is made of suffering
27:07 — Limiting yourself once meant staying safe
28:10 — You are built for a different time
30:20 — Choose to do your own inner work
31:46 — Taking your mother off the pedestal
33:38 — Perfection blocks real connection
36:40 — Her perspective is not the only truth
37:31 — Rest, joy, pleasure
40:00 — No “right way” to be a Black woman
43:08 — Start with your needs before pleasure
47:10 — Build a relationship with yourself
48:16 — Release shame around centering yourself
51:09 — Rebuilding your expression and voice
54:36 — Sit with the critical voice first
58:10 — Validate before trying to change
01:00:04 — Healing is a relationship with yourself
01:01:10 — Safety allows to access deeper memories
01:02:19 — Healing starts with changing your self-talk
01:03:17 — Words carry power and energy
01:04:15 — Healing doesn’t erase your experiences
01:06:29 — Turning pain into strength
01:07:39 — You can put down what isn’t yours
01:10:25 — Connect with Britnei Nicole

Key Takeaways:
“Language is the technology that creates these patterns of thought in our mind.”
“If we’re constantly thinking a certain way, we become a certain way.”
“Language brings the experience to life and makes it something your brain can engage with.”
“To heal something, it has to be like clay—you have to be able to soften it and make something new out of it.”
“A mother is a daughter’s first mirror of what it means to be a feminine being in the world.”
“You can actually take control of your thoughts, decide what you think, and change them.”
“We are still parenting from survival, even though we are no longer living in those conditions.”
“Limiting yourself once meant staying safe, but now it keeps you small.”
“You have to choose to run your own updates because no one else can do it for you.”
“Your body has been trained to believe you don’t deserve goodness, so even pleasure can feel unsafe.”
“Confidence comes from competence, and competence comes from practicing expression.”

About the Guest
Brittany Nicole is a writer, speaker, and coach specializing in the connection between language, identity, and behavior. Through her work, she helps individuals understand how their internal dialogue shapes their beliefs, decisions, and overall life experience. She is known for translating complex concepts into practical tools, equipping people to shift limiting patterns, strengthen self-awareness, and build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Connect with Britnei Nicole
Website: https://iamprettybrilliant.mykajabi.com/shop
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@iamprettybrilliant
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamprettybrilliant
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@Iamprettybrilliant

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.