Sex and the 7th Day Adventist Church – Chandra

Chandra grew up in the 7th Day Adventist church, which she equates to a cult. She faults the church for being an educational, social, and religious system that neither acknowledges nor teaches that consent exists for women. She became (mildly) rebellious, experimented with illicit hand-holding, got married, got out, and then embarked on a season of experimentation.

Chandra is a 29-year-old, cisgender female. She grew up in the 7th Day Adventist Church in the United States and describes herself as mixed race including Black, white, Chinese, and east Indian. She is bisexual, single, and has no children. She said her preferred relationship style is “honest.”. She describes her body as average.

Bookmark moments:

• 5:22 – Chandra shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, a generalized curiosity around age 6.
• 7:31 – Chandra talks about being raised Seventh Day Adventist, and what the conservative education around sex looked like. Nature shows were her best informer. The school taught Creationism and held a “Purity Week.”
• 12:56 – She starts experimenting around age 11, but doesn’t know what she’s doing. Pleasure mixes with anxiety. At 12 she has a non-consensual experience that turns into a year-long power abuse dynamic. Her father clues in and moves the family away.
• 26:29 – She moves on to rebellious hand-holding with a boy at religious summer camp. Then boarding school, and marriage. Sex becomes painful as she endures emotional abuse. She lets him experiment outside the marriage. Lies end the marriage; infidelity gives her a respectable way out.
• 36:14 – An experimental phase for Chandra begins. She gets reckless.
• 39:50 – Chandra explores her bisexuality. She tracks her attraction back to age 6.
• 42:50 – Chandra shares what her current dating life looks like, and the possibility of future parenthood.
• 50:15 – The discussion turns to pleasure, then relationship styles. Chandra says her preferred style is “honest,” and she finds that most often in the polyamorous community and its standard of open communication and consent.

The Lowdown

• 57:00 – The Q&A covers period sex, interracial dating, toys, sex positions, initiating sex, roles, stimulations, orgasms, touch, hard red lines, porn, grooming, oral, squirting (PSA: buy Chucks!), dirty talk, laughter, rape fantasies, long legs, and unlearning childhood beliefs.

Resources:

Cult Evaded podcast – https://anchor.fm/cultevaded

Clit sucking toys – https://www.google.com/search?q=clit+suction+toy

Chucks – https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Underpads-Incontinence-Absorbent-Protective/dp/B081VRG3NK

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EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support – Lara O’Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak