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Society & Culture

S4E50: “Never Call My Mom Auntie!” x Aretha Frazier

podcast June 16, 2023

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"I don't romanticize my suffering and my trauma and I don't allow other people to do it either." – Aretha Frazier, Black, kinship adoptee

Aretha Frazier's younger sister is her biological niece and Aretha's mom is her biological aunt. Aretha was introduced to the complexities of family relationships early in life, being born to parents who struggled with crack addictions in Detroit in the 1990s. She still vividly remembers the fear of seeing the two police officers who came to remove her and her two younger siblings from their home and from her biological mother's care. Their favorite aunt came to pick them up, and with a new home came a new name and a new relationship.

Favorite auntie quickly became a mother whom she learned to fear.

Aretha experienced unchecked physical abuse until the age of 12, but emotional and mental abuse by her mother continued. Her strict and controlling ways often went ignored by other family members who never let Aretha forget that she should be grateful for the good life, education and opportunities her mother provided. Aretha turned out better than fine; she became a successful lawyer. Wasn't life so much better than what it would have been if she'd stayed with her biological mother?

People tend to believe that intrafamilial adoption, or kinship adoption, is inherently all good and that is far from the truth. Aretha's story parallels many of the challenges experienced by those who are adopted by non-biological kin.

For so many years Aretha walked on eggshells, tip-toeing around her adoption to avoid the landmines of her mom's emotions. Today, she's using her voice and her story to help people interrogate their assumptions about kinship adoption. She proudly identifies as #BlackAndAdopted and we love to see it!

Clap it up for EPISODE 50, y'all!! Wow. This milestone was reached in partnership with YOU. Thank you for every listen, every share, every DM, every storyteller and every piece of support and encouragement. Cheers to changing the narrative one episode at a time! As always, LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE!

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