Society & Culture

I want be pushed against the wall – Ar Blia

podcast August 5, 2021

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It’s our 100th episode!!!!!


Ar Blia is a listener-turned-guest who has been untangling early experiences of trauma, limiting cultural beliefs, and confusing desires to first explore and then advocate for her own pleasure. Even within the constricts of a conservative community, she has been able to find adventure, find herself, and find a partner who truly works for her.


Ar Blia is a 27-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as straight, monogamous, and partnered with her boyfriend of five years. She describes her body as average (though by white American standards many of us would probably consider her petite.)


Bookmark moments:

  • 6:12 – Ar Blia shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, at age 4-5, being aware of a pleasant tickle-ish sensation “down there” with a soapy touch. She innocently explores herself in the open until her father makes fun of her.
  • 11:20 – Ar Blia talks about her culture’s views on sex and marriage and how that impacted her while growing up.
  • 14:07 – She talks about her first boyfriend, with whom she planned to wait until marriage despite the copious sexual tension.
  • 21:30 – Ar Blia shares how some aspects of her culture and how they impacted her attractions and actions.
  • 26:08 – Ar Blia learns to make her personality smaller to accommodate her boyfriend, slowly losing herself over four years.
  • 29:00 – She talks about how her current boyfriend helped her see what had happened.
  • 36:08 – She shares how she met her current boyfriend, who happily pushes her up against walls. She discusses how virginity is prized in her culture and how she navigated that with the second boyfriend. She further details how her culture shaped this relationship with regard to age and expectations.
  • 41:27 – Ar Blia opens up about her struggles with body image.
  • 45:00 – Ar Blia discusses how she and her boyfriend found their way to pleasure reciprocity, and how they subsequently navigated a time of decreased libido.
  • 49:16 – She ties the decreased libido back to earlier culturally-informed traumas around non-consensual sexual touch. She recalls the two episodes, and talks about present-day impacts on having her breasts touched.
  • 1:04:30 – Ar Blia says listening to episodes of this podcast has helped her process what had happened, and get to a good place with her boyfriend now.
  • 1:09:51 – The Lowdown: Ar Blia answers questions about having sex on her period, sex partners and race, sex toys, positions, clit stimulation vs penetration, breast play, getting to orgasm/faking it, kinds of touch, hard red lines, anal play, porn (and discovering her father’s stash with her siblings), hair vs bare, group sex, oral sex, kink, role playing, dirty talk, uncomfortable desires, body image, and changing beliefs.
  • 1:20:17 – Leah and Ar Blia talk out being submissive in the bedroom vs in life, and the possibility of 3-way explorations.



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Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support – Lara O’Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak

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