Gender is a non-issue for me – Donya

I need a longer break than I anticipated, so in order to keep giving you new content, I’m releasing a handful of interviews in their uncut form.

Donya started getting sexual attention very young because her body developed early. As a teenager and adult, she has experienced a wide range of relationship styles and partners. After having a child and settling into the closest thing to commitment outside of marriage, she received a breast cancer diagnosis.

Donya is a 46-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and in a committed relationship.

Bookmark moments: 

• 4:48 – Donya shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, finding a book of erotica at age 9 or 10 and feeling aroused in a new way—both physically and mentally, at the same time.
• 7:58 – Sex was not discussed in the home; her parents divorced and her mother remarried a closed-off man. She finds her mom’s secret copy of “The Joy of Sex” at some point.
• 14:40 – Donya talks about being both busty and a dancer and receiving sexual attention from an early teen age. It’s an early experience of power and pleasure—especially at youth group. Dry humping becomes a favorite activity.
• 24:51 – Sex itself is fairly disappointing early on; Donya learns to exercise the power dynamic between using the appeal she has to get attention and wanting to go slow to actually find pleasure.
• 29:00 – Donya finally experiences a lover who is devoted to her pleasure. As part of the Society for Creative Anachronism, she tries to navigate the community’s culture of non-monogamy.
• 37:23 – Donya talks about the end of her primary poly relationship: yes, you can be poly and still cheat.
• 39:19 – Donya shares how she came out as bisexual and began to experiment, up to the point of marrying a “Santa Cruz lesbian” and seeing the inside of man-bashing culture.
• 50:19 – Donya catches us up on her current long-term monogamous male partner, with whom she has a child. They’ve been together 8 years and have a fully committed life; at first neither want to mess with marriage again, but it’s now on the table.
• 58:04 – Childbearing (and specifically vaginal birth) impacts her sexuality. So does being a mother to a young child, and the parenting style choices they make.
• 1:05:28 – Donya experiences a series of illnesses, and is diagnosed with breast cancer. She and her partner go through periods of separation. They’ve gotten therapy and are currently together.
• 1:08:22 – She talks about the details of her breast cancer journey. She feels like her body let her down, and fears bad sex in forced menopause.

The Lowdown (1:13:52)

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EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support – Lara O’Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak