Ep 086: Building a Solid Foundation of Self-Love & Self-Esteem

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“Self-love becomes harmful when it’s only offered in short bursts.”

Self-worth and love often feel out of reach when we grow up learning that our value depends on what we do or how others see us. For many, especially those with mothers who couldn’t give the care we needed, worth was something to earn, not something we simply had. That leaves a gap that can follow us for years, shaping how we see ourselves and how we let others treat us.

Healing doesn’t mean undoing the past, it means seeing it clearly. It means noticing the ways we’ve been taught to perform for approval, to measure ourselves by achievement, and to accept less than we deserve. It means recognizing the loss without letting it define us. Even when we grieve what we didn’t get, there is power in facing it, naming it, and understanding it.

In this episode, I’m answering your questions about self-worth, confidence, and learning how to love yourself after growing up with an emotionally immature mother. We talk about self love-bombing, performing for approval, and why building worth often means starting from scratch. We also get into inner-child reparenting, affirming yourself through consistent actions, and making peace with grief tied to the mother wound. If you’re ready to stop proving your worth and start treating yourself like you matter, this episode is for you.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:16) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:15) Questioning who you actually owe your energy to

(00:02:42) Q#1How do I rebuild my sense of worth when my mother only praises me now? 

(00:06:39) Acknowledging yourself outside of productivity

(00:09:53) Small wins as proof of worth

(00:10:38) Being gentler with yourself after mistakes

(00:12:41) Q#2: How do I learn what love feels like at 64 when I've only known heartbreak?

(00:13:31) Why self-love must continue

(00:15:11) Self-abandonment is self-inflicted love bombing

(00:16:37) Distancing from non-affirming people

(00:21:05) Actions over affirmations

(00:22:39) Q#3: Do you ever feel remorse about the time lost to your mother wound? 

(00:25:11) Letting go of “fairness”

(00:27:12) Accepting loss and moving forward

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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