Ep 083: Audience Q&A: Estrangement, Distance, and Letting Go

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Letting go of guilt after going no contact with a mother begins with understanding that the guilt is not truly yours, it’s rooted in codependency and enmeshment. Often, we feel responsible for someone else’s happiness or think we owe our mothers for what they gave us, even when that “giving” came with emotional harm. True freedom comes when you redefine how you deserve to be treated.

Going no contact is the first step, like stopping the bleeding, but real healing happens when you turn your attention inward. Establish safety with yourself, learn to care for your needs, trust your intuition, and set clear boundaries. As you practice self-respect and autonomy, the guilt fades. It’s not about forgiving or fixing your mother, it’s about reclaiming your life and cultivating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself.

In this episode, I answer your questions about estrangement, guilt, and healing from difficult mother-daughter relationships. We explore how to let go of guilt after going no contact, handle manipulation, and process grief when a mother has passed. Healing your mother wound isn’t about your mom, it’s about reclaiming your autonomy, setting boundaries, and creating a loving, supportive relationship with yourself. 

"If you let go of somebody who doesn't treat you well, you're going to have to establish a new baseline of how you're treated." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:17) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:04:31) Question 1: Letting go of guilt and worry after going no contact

(00:06:37) No contact isn’t the final step

(00:09:19) Question 2: What to do about a mother who manipulates you

(00:10:29) The desire to keep her happy

(00:12:33) Question 3: Healing after a traumatic relationship with a mother who has passed

(00:14:29) Why healing is about your autonomy

(15:22) The false sense of “debt” in traditional Black parenting

(17:08) Challenging the logic behind abusive dynamics

(19:25) Shifting how you see yourself

(21:00) The truth about going no contact

(23:17) No contact helping establish autonomy

(25:14) How history shaped Black parenting patterns

(27:04) You still have to do the work

Key Takeaways:

"Letting go of guilt and worry, no matter what the reason is, is the same."

"Shame and isolation has taught you that no one has gone through what you've gone through."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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