Ep 079: Your Mother Made You Wear a Mask

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Many of us started wearing masks before we even knew what that meant. We learned to be “the good girl,” “the smart one,” or “the strong one.” We tried to fit in, stay safe, and be who others wanted us to be. But somewhere along the way, we lost touch with who we really are.

Wearing a mask can make us feel protected, but it also keeps us from being seen. It’s tiring to always perform, to hide our real feelings, and to protect peace that was never truly ours.

Taking off the mask is the first step toward freedom. It means being honest about how you feel and allowing yourself to show up fully. It is choosing truth over performance and peace over perfection.

Healing begins when you stop pretending and start remembering who you are.
And who you are has always been enough.

In this episode, I get real about the survival strategy so many of us learned growing up in households where we didn’t always feel safe to be ourselves, MASKING. We’ll explore how masking shows up in your life as overgiving, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and codependency, and how it can keep you disconnected from your authentic self. You’ll learn how to spot your own patterns, understand their impact, and take steps to unmask safely. We talk about reconnecting with hidden parts of yourself, reclaiming your voice, and showing up fully without fear or performance.

“You can’t really maintain happiness, joy, or love if you’re not being your authentic self.” – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode snippet 

(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:16) How masking begins as a survival skill

(00:05:35) The fear of being your true self

(00:06:36) The three masks: good girl, smart girl, independent girl

(00:11:07) Unmasking as a lifelong practice

(00:13:27) The emotional toll of hiding yourself

(00:16:32) Reconnecting with your inner little girl

(00:18:20) When masking becomes emotional abuse

(00:20:27) Mistaking assertiveness for authenticity

(00:21:55) The role of community in unmasking

Key Takeaways:

"You can’t really maintain happiness or joy or love if you’re not being your authentic self."

"Your unmasking is going to require you to throw the middle finger up at people."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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