Ep 057: You Want to Be a Good Friend but You Just End Up Betraying Yourself

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In a world that values selflessness, it's easy to confuse being good to others with genuine goodness. We often pride ourselves on being helpful, but the real question is: Are we truly good people, or have we mastered self-betrayal in the name of seeking love and validation?

Self-betrayal isn’t always obvious. It’s a slow shift from what matters to us, where we compromise our values or ignore our needs in the name of kindness.

While selflessness can seem virtuous, sacrificing our well-being for others can cause us to lose touch with who we are. Setting boundaries and caring for ourselves isn't selfish—it's necessary. Only when we prioritize our own needs can we truly show up for others.

In this episode, I ask a powerful question: Are you truly a good person—or have you just mastered self-betrayal? We explore how childhood trauma and the need for our mother’s love often teach us to abandon ourselves in the name of being “good.” I break down how that shows up in adulthood, especially in friendships and relationships, and what it really means to stop trying to make difficult people love you.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:13) Free Mini Course

(00:03:16) About the Resolve Program

(00:05:13) Centering you, not her

(00:07:07) Are you a good person or self-betraying?

(00:10:30) Winning your mother’s approval

(00:12:49) The “Good Person” Mask

(00:15:06) Why we choose the wrong people

(00:17:49) Indebted to love

(00:21:38) Addiction to validation

(00:23:13) Boundaries with yourself first

(00:25:49) Start the awareness work

(00:27:12) Being “Good” isn’t always healthy

Key Takeaways: 

"The mother wound is a spectrum, and the people that I help the most are the women who have an acute pain."

"Stop trying to make difficult people be good to you."

“Somebody can do all those things and still not be good to you.”

“Real friends are gonna tell you some shit you might not wanna hear.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions

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