552: On Shame and Belonging with Jef Slootsmaekers

Welcome Brave Lovers! In today’s episode, Laurie is joined by EFT couples therapist Jef Slootmaekers. Jef is an EFT trainer hailing from Belgium and is the author of a new book on shame called Shame in Psychotherapy: The Art of Appearing (English translation coming in September 2026). He is also the coauthor of Fighting for Connection: Perspectives on Conflict and Intimate Partner Violence . This fantastic episode starts with the question “If shame had a voice, what would it want us to understand about being human?” and dives deep into our need to belong to each other, the ways we experience shame, its healthy functions and how toxic core shame is developed. All persons feel shame but our response to shame can either be adaptive or create negative stories that organize and influence our relationships with ourselves and others. Walk through this conversation with Laurie and Jef to learn the healthy functions of shame, why living in a world without shame would be like driving around New York City without traffic lights. Learn how to recognize unhealthy shame and ways to uncondition yourself from the rigid stories it has created. We all need to feel safe and belong and this conversation helps shine a light in the dark places we keep to ourselves but can also keep us stuck. This conversation brings a lightness and hope to what can be a heavy topic and you’ll walk away with action steps on how to begin healing toxic shame. Take care Brave Lovers! 

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