Ep 076: Stop Explaining Yourself to People

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Many of us have learned to explain ourselves because, at some point, it felt like survival. As children, we wanted to avoid rejection, abandonment, or punishment, so we reached for words to soften the blow or gain approval. That habit often follows us into adulthood, where explaining becomes second nature.

But with every explanation, a quiet message slips through: Maybe I need permission to be myself. And over time, that can feel heavy, like you are carrying your life in someone else’s hands.

You don’t have to live that way. You don’t need to justify your choices, your boundaries, or your presence. Your worth is not up for debate. It was never earned through explanations, and it cannot be taken away by silence.

It is safe to pause. It is safe to say less. It is safe to remind your body, “We are okay. We are not in danger anymore.” Each time you do, you build trust with yourself. You show your inner child that she no longer has to hustle for approval.

You are free to live without apology, to stand in your truth without explanation, and to know deep in your bones that you are already enough.

In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I break down the habit of overexplaining and why it keeps you stuck in self-abandonment. We’ll explore how overexplaining ties back to fear of rejection, abandonment, and punishment, and how it strips you of your autonomy. You’ll learn four practical steps to stop overexplaining, how to set boundaries without apology, and the importance of aftercare so your nervous system feels safe as you step into your authority.

Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:54) Resolve on Demand course is live
(00:05:15) Stop explaining yourself
(00:08:26) Explaining yourself is a form of self-abandonment
(00:11:49) The hard truth: no one is coming to save you
(00:12:14) Explaining as manipulation and bullying
(00:14:43) Step 1: Think before you respond
(00:16:47) Step 2: Decide what is the best way to answer
(00:17:52) Step 3: Don’t volunteer extra information
(00:19:41) Step 4: Stop apologizing for your choices
(00:21:16) Aftercare: regulating your nervous system
(00:23:04) Shake out the energy
(00:25:18) Nobody is the boss of you

Key Takeaways: 

"When you spend time overexplaining, you are trying to control how others perceive you."

"Get in alignment with your highest purpose, your highest joy, who you really are so you can have the life that you really want."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experien

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