70. How to Ask for What You Want with Sau-fong Au, Director of the Women’s Center at Brooklyn College

Why is it so hard to ask for what we want? And how do we do it?

For this Women of Color Rise episode, Analiza talks with Sau-fong Au, Director of the Women’s Center at Brooklyn College. Sau-fong was born in Hong Kong and went to college at the Chinese University of Hong Kong. She then followed her boyfriend to the US. Being in America was the first time that Sau-fong was surrounded by people who were different than her. She was told, “You’re not American,” and that there was something wrong with her. She also felt that she should feel grateful and that she shouldn’t ask for more. Having led the Women’s Center at Brooklyn College for 23 years, Sau-fong shares how these myths hold women, especially women of color, back. 

Sau-fong shares advice about how women of color can ask for and get what we want.

1. Don’t take things personally. Whether successes or failures, it often doesn’t have anything to do with you, personally. 

2. Fake it until you make it. You might not feel confident or worthy, but don’t let these mindsets hold you back. You have nothing to lose by asking. But by not asking, you make it 100% sure they will say no.

3. You can be grateful AND ask for more. Women are often taught to be grateful for our small slice of the pie. Instead, think to yourself, “I deserve the whole pie.” Or “I deserve the ingredients to make the pie myself.” 

4. Feel the feelings and find a community to support. Depending on whether they say yes or no, you might feel joy, sadness, or anger. Feel these feelings and find a community to support you.

5. Be the change. When you get into positions of power, find ways to make systems more equitable, for example by standardizing pay through salary scales. This evens the playing field for women of color, who often don’t even negotiate.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://analizawolf.com/ep-70-how-to-ask-for-what-you-want-with-sau-fong-au