125. 9 Ways to Not Scratch that Itch of Calling your Ex

In this episode of Open Late, Drea discusses the struggle of wanting to reach out to someone you know you shouldn’t be contacting. She shares personal experiences and provides advice on how to manage the anxiety and feelings associated with love dependency. The importance of giving yourself grace and understanding that feelings are not facts is crucial on this process. Also, there is a key component of finding support through podcasts, support groups, and therapy. Drea also encourages asking yourself important questions about the person and the relationship, and recognizing the patterns and triggers that contribute to the love dependency cycle. She concludes by reminding listeners that it’s okay to have setbacks and to be on their own journey.

In this Episode of Open Late:

• How feelings are not facts
• Finding support to resist contacting an ex
• Recognizing codependency patterns and triggers
• Embracing setbacks in personal growth

Mentioned in This Episode:

Books about Love Codependency and Addiction

https://a.co/d/hzrU91V 

https://a.co/d/9Vr3YIc 

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)

https://slaafws.org/ 

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: https://www.openlatepodcast.com/

• YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

02:12 Don’t send that text. Don’t send that meme, because I know we do that, too. We’ve seen the meme, and the meme feels safe because it’s not a phone call. It’s not a text. It’s just a meme. Right? What’s the harm? No, don’t do it.

02:57 They all change. I think that was one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my life. Feelings are not facts, unfortunately. I wish the good ones could just stay right, but they don’t. And that’s okay. So even if you’re waking up today, and you’re feeling so bad about yourself, or you’re feeling bad about the situation, you’re feeling bad about that person that you really want to call, just know this is not the end at all.

05:10 When you don’t get something, or you don’t know when you’re going to get it, it creates that excitement. And that’s how those toxic relationships start. 

07:14 Start paying attention to what’s happening in your body and start asking yourself, those big questions of who is this person? How are they making me feel? How are they showing up in my life?

09:14 So once you’ve gotten clear on some of these things that you can sort of intellectualize you kind of know what is a healthy relationship, what does that look like?

09:28 Sometimes it can feel boring. It just can. And that’s just the truth, right? And when you’re used to being triggered and the adrenaline and all the ups and the downs, and then you find somebody who’s showing up for you consistently, you will not know what to do with that energy.

11:46 The energy that you have for them is just ready to go, which is that’s a telltale sign as well. When you can override what your body and your mind is trying to tell you for that person, that’s a telltale sign of like, okay, I’m maybe going into some interesting territory or I’m crossing my boundaries because my body’s clearly trying to tell me something.

14:28 This is mine, this is theirs and this is ours. There are times when things show up for me, where I’m thinking to myself, okay, this is not our problem. This is a past projection. This is something I need to work on that I’m putting on my partner.

16:25 Drea, you wasted four years. I don’t, I don’t view it that way. I can’t do it that way. I got four years of interesting lessons, that’s for sure. And if it wasn’t him, that taught me that somebody else would, that is how I see it. 

18:18 Motion does change emotion. 

19:53 Agnes, Not today. We’re going to go on a walk and then you could come back. You can tell Agnes that they can come back later. Because that’s the thing, you guys. It’s all about managing.

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