020: Intimate Partner Violence – An African Man’s Story of Abuse W/ Anonymous aka Olufemi (Part 1)

Today we will be talking about intimate partner violence, which is a very important topic of discussion in the African community. Through the years, abuse has been somewhat normalized in relationships and in our community. There have been many examples of abuse that have led to a loss of life. Some 1.2 million women and 700,000 men experience domestic violence each year, according to the Office for National Statistics.  According to a study, Africa has some of the highest prevalence rates of intimate partner violence in the whole world. Today I will be talking to an old friend who has chosen to be anonymous and will go by the name Olufemi – Femi for short. He chose to become anonymous because there are children involved. 

[00:01 – 03:36] Opening Segment

• Introduction of guest and topic

[03:36 – 17:52] Meeting His Then-Girlfriend

• How Femi meets his then-girlfriend
• Starts with a long distance relationship
• The countless red flags
• The continuous manipulation

[17:52 – 38:29] Knowing The Wife

• Getting to know where she came from
• How her past affected her present
• Femi thinks he can change her
• The marriage becomes toxic 

[38:29 – 1:07:23] The Abusive Patterns

• The signs are being ignored
• She starts cheating openly
• She puts her hands on him
• He tries to help her
• She doesn’t change 

Tweetable Quotes:

“If someone is not willing to change, no amount of good knowledge can help such a person.” – Olufemi

“There is this ideology in Africa that men don’t show emotions – that is WRONG! Men have emotions and they need to show it when they are hurt” – Anyoh Fombad

“It is OK for men to be vulnerable. If you need to cry, then cry!” – Anonymous (Olufemi)

“We always create this ideology of who we want people to be that we get blindsided and refuse to accept people for who they really are even when they’re showing it to our face.” – Anyoh Fombad

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You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).