S3E39: “Who can I trust, at this point?” x Tonya Hockaday

Fool me once (at 16 years old), shame on you. Fool me twice (at 32 years old),shame on, who? STILL YOU!!! At the crossroads of trust and deception is a conscious choice of transparency. When it comes to late discovery adoptees (LDA), they are often given excuses as to why the knowledge of their adoption status was withheld. For Tonya, this information was dismissed because her adoptive father, also an alcoholic, had shared the information. His substance abuse was used as the scapegoat to deny the truth. 16 years later, Tonya finds out that there were no lies told. Her mother and grandparents vowed to go to the grave with this information, and her aunt didn’t think it was her place to divulge this family secret. So now what? Tonya is left angry, hurt, disappointed, and confused about who she is, and everything that she THOUGHT she knew about herself.

Tonya, almost lost her physical, emotional, and mental stability as she grappled with grief, shame, and a search and reunion process that only led to dead ends. She regains control of her life with therapy, a life coach, and turning her story into a documentary. She also credits her faith, her husband, children, and sister-friends for providing her with unconditional love and support as she reclaims her #IDentity?

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RECOMMENDED ADOPTION RESOURCES

• Therapy for Black Girls
• LISTEN: Voices of African American, Late Discovery (LDA) adoptees on The Black Adoption Podcast S1E6, S2E5, S2E11, S2E14, S3E33
• Black Adoptee Support Group on Instagram 
• REQUIRED READING: Black to the Beginning Reads Bookshop – A carefully curated list of #BTTBreads…for the culture!

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