312: Forbidden Dark Places – Shame & The Sexual Cycle

Shame and disgust are heavy words that inhabit dark places, but we can’t avoid dark places if we want to experience the highs a relationship can provide emotionally and sexually.

The power of shame is in secrecy. We don’t want to show our shame. We don’t want to be rejected, so we lock away parts of ourselves and pray that no one sees us. The irony is that the antidote to shame is connection and empathy, gifts we can only receive when we allow others to see us. 

Within the sexual cycle, shame takes many forms. We might feel shame over what we’ve done, over things that have been done to us, or over our desires and fantasies. Many feelings of shame and disgust are rooted in our childhoods (or trauma).

If one partner brings up a new sex act and their partner has a huge reaction of disgust, it can create deep shame for simply bringing it up or even disgust at one’s self for having “such” ideas, further fueling the shame cycle.

So how do we close the gap and find attunement within this mismatched experience? The answer is communication.

Listen as Laurie and George roleplay and show you how to have these conversations with your partner – with safety.