Friends, how many of us have them? Let's have a conversation about co-dependency and loneliness.

Loneliness, co-dependency, bounaries, and people-pleasing behaviors are unpacked and discussed in this episode of Conversations with Coach LA. 

What is Loneliness? Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. Even some people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting marriage—still experience deep and pervasive loneliness.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness#:~:text=Loneliness%20is%20the%20state%20of,a%20deep%20and%20pervasive%20loneliness.

Generally speaking, there are two sides to a codependent relationship. Consider this person X provides Person Y with an unhealthy amount of emotional support and comfort. Meanwhile, Person Y doesn’t offer the same support in return, yet also feels in desperate need of Person X’s support to function.Sound familiar? You may be in a co-dependent relationship. 

On the other hand,  codependency can look a little different when more than two people are involved. When you are in a social circle and you feel compelled to provide constant emotional support, although no one has asked you to. You feel obligated to show up, overextend yourself, and feel guilty and anxious when you don’t.  You ultimately feel like a bad person, and no one knows you place this burden on yourself. 

While there are many causes of codependency, growing up in a dysfunctional, chaotic, or otherwise stressful environment is thought to be a contributing factor.

For adults, in particular, studies show that codependency is often linked to feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, pathological loneliness, and depression. Additionally, people with high levels of emotional intelligence may be more prone to forming codependent habits; when you’re so aware of how others feel, it can be easier in some cases to empathize with others to an unhealthy degree.

Source: https://www.rootsofloneliness.com/codependency-loneliness#:~:text=For%20adults%20in%20particular%2C%20studies,color%2C%20disabled%20people%2C%20etc.

Loneliness researcher John Cacioppo contends that just as you can start an exercise regimen to gain strength and improve your health, you can combat loneliness through small moves that build emotional strength and resilience. He has developed  strategies for people at particularly high risk for chronic loneliness. 

While a person can’t die simply from feeling too lonely, findings that lonely people have higher rates of mortality and certain diseases support the idea that, over time, chronic loneliness can play a role in increasing the risk of dying.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness#identifying-and-fighting-loneliness

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201803/cure-disconnection