Ep 006: Healing Your Mother Wound Actually Has Nothing to Do with Your Mother

Attempting to drag your toxic mother across the healing finish line so that YOU can receive your trophy of peace, happiness, and the fairytale version of the relationship you want with her isn’t going to happen. Your race belongs to you and you alone. The concept of healing alone is one of the many harsh realities that wounded daughters must accept. In this episode, I want to help you reframe the way you view healing – it will be difficult, at times- but trust that you ARE the woman for the job. 

You might be asking yourself, why can’t we heal together? 

The answer is usually because of our mother’s own unhealed trauma and her out-of-date methods for coping. Unless your mother is ready to heal herself, she will not be an active participant in your recovery.

Consider this episode a Public Service Announcement (PSA) intended to get you started on your journey to mending the most important relationship in your life- your relationship with self.  

Takeaways:

• The idea of holding black mothers on a pedestal is and has always been unhealthy. Healing your Black Mother Wound will make some people uncomfortable as you go against the status quo. The She Is Loved Project is here to support you. 
• The fantasy of who we believe our mothers ought to keep us from healing. In this episode, I share tips for letting go of the illusion and creating a positive reality for yourself. 
• All of our mothers are dealing with something, but I have found that if your mother is dealing with gender/racial-based trauma coupled with – rape, molestation, and incest, you must understand that she cannot participate in your healing until she deals with her own. 

Highlights

• [00:02:03] Healing your Mother Wound has nothing to do with healing, fixing, or repairing the relationship with your mother – it’s time for some tough love.  
• [00:04:15] Your pain and trauma don’t have to be validated by anyone to be real – this is why waiting for validation is doing you more harm than good. 

• [00:07:12] Wounded daughters grow up to be emotionally immature women.  I share how you deal with the bruised ego and let go of the fantasy in this episode. 

• [00:08:26] Forgiveness is ideal, but we don’t live in a perfect society – listen as I explain why forgiveness isn’t required to begin the healing process.  

• [00:09:29] Letting go of your mother is easy; letting go of the fantasy is what you struggle with.

• [00:14:43] Have you ever felt like your mother held resentment towards you? Based on my work with clients, I share what I believe is true about unspoken resentment.  

Resources:

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